Fences

I hear you Scratching on the walls

Of my chest

You burrow yourself out of sight

And I grapple with you.

Wrestling your fingers

Deep down into the soil

.

Somehow you’ve arrested me

Taken pieces of my mind

And unwound them

Piece by piece

You leave nothing

In it’s place

.

Salvage the dark

And sift through my memories

Like a carousel

At the state fair.

Blatantly coloured

With every sort of flashing light

And yet no comprehension

For your identity.

.

When you speak

It is a loud guttural howl

That permeates from your throat

Your nails digging through

The taciturn sanctuary

Of this confident smile

.

You are childhood

And adulthood

Rolled into one

Fused together

With a regimented

Fuse

And I cannot distinguish you

No matter how I try.

.

Long after the summer

I lay down in your arms

Sought refuge with you

Buried my face in the rough fabric

Of your shirt

Your shoulder

A concrete statue

.

Remembering all the ways

You pull at my mind

Compart each cortex

Into a shifting puzzle piece.

So that tissue

And muscle

Blood

And liquid

Have been blended together

Moulded together

And there is no sense

.

You take letters

And flip them over

Every emotion written backwards

Somersaulting through the vault

You take breathes

And string them along

Tug and pull at the cracked exterior

.

You pour bottles of paint

Down the drain

Leave it seeping through pores

And entering the bloodstream.

And these eyes

They lie dormant under the weight of you.

.

You have taken women

And turned them into half completed

Portraits

You take life

And disconnect each moment

So that I alone can stare into the memory

Stare into the past

And not remember the steps I took.

.

You take mirrors

And play mocking games

Create a landscape

From every piece of fraudulent nature

Still you are the bottomless pit

.

And there is no name too great for you,

No phrase that could ever define you.

You have built apartment buildings

On the canvas of the mind.

.

Brought the rain showers

Out from the cloud.

And we lie in want of you.

You who have detached neurons

And hormones

The red wire

Akin to the black one.

.

You who confuse direction

So that the east becomes the west

And the north foreshadows the south.

And we have paid for you.

Sacrificed much to long

In labour of you.

.

There are no textbooks

No medicated treatments

That could ever illustrate your image.

Your identity wrapped up beneath

The corners of my brain

Bading us to apologize

For your destructive nature.

.

So I harness you now.

Lay you on this page

Because I will no longer allow

You to play on the doorstep

Of my mind

With authority.

.

And perhaps it is you

Who deserve a word of thanks

For the way the sky seemed

So beautiful

After I had exposed you

Like the festering blemish

On skin that you are,

.

Depression.

I was diagnosed with clinical depression over a year ago, unfortunately I have found that there are no many misconceptions about what it really means. Like any mental illness, it is a complex array of many things, both psychological, neurological and genetic. It’s symptoms are not simply linked to sadness, It can manifest itself in a plethora of ways. It is such a common occurrence and yet many people do not reach out for help, until it is too late. I highly recommend seeking help for this. I fought with my depression for 10 years before reaching out. By talking about it, finding healthy avenues to express it, it can be managed. Remember Depression and mental illness for that matter do not have one identity. You cannot tell what someone is going through just by looking at them. It is often a silent war, that can become deadly if it is not addressed. There is no shame in admitting the struggle because after all, we are all human. Every single one of us, have something to fight.

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8 thoughts on “Fences

  1. Hullo Melodic, nice lines here… Long poem but who says we can’t flow on to eternity if the rhythm is right? Was wondering if perhaps you could consider breaking the poem into parts or stanzas or something of the like… I think that would make for an easier read while making the work more organised – my opinion…

    But overall, I went through at first, without having an idea of what the real thematic leaning of the poem was… I found that at some point and the note at the end of the poem made it all too clear.

    Depression really is a terrible thing and only the heavens know how many lives we have lost to this silent tormentor. Thanks for sharing this, and I hope we get to read more like this from you.

    Do you write short stories too? Well done!

    1. Hi Sueddie,

      Thank you for taking the time to read my poem and leave a comment. I really appreciate the feedback. I do understand what you mean by breaking up the poem into parts, unfortunately every time i publish a piece, all of text seems to come together… I think I still have to figure out how to use this site but hopefully I will figure out soon 🙂 I do write short stories, not very often but every now and then when the inspiration strikes

      ~Melodic Rose~

      1. Hmmm… I look forward to reading some of your short stories, and yes, some other verse. I am following you all the way! 🙂

        Sad about the jumbling that WordPress gives you… You might want to put a dot after each stanza to help create the space e.g…

        I hear you
        Scratching on the walls
        Of my chest
        You burrow yourself out of sight
        And I grapple with you.
        Wrestling your fingers
        Deep down into the soil
        .
        Somehow you’ve arrested me
        Taken pieces of my mind…

      2. 🙂 Can be a big bother. Also looks like you usually press the ENTER key twice before you start a new line… Makes the work plentiful 🙂

        Melodic Rose, okay, I will confess: I read your poem again. It really is lovely… Well done!

      3. Well it finally worked, wow im glad you enjoyed it enough to read it twice =) Thanks for the support… I will definitely have to take some time and look through more of your work

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